I really enjoy my life and the way that I grew up. I never felt like I was a loser at school or was even pressured into things that I didn't want to do. I was never even offered to do things that I knew were wrong, so I thought people never really did them. Let me explain by starting with high school:
I am reading a book called Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. This book was written almost 20 years ago (1994), so when I saw when it was published, I thought it wouldn't even apply to now or even when I was in high school. The book addresses a lot of different pressures that girls go through: depression, weight, sex, drugs, violence. The book is written by a psychologist who is writing different examples of girls that she has had in therapy. Generally, I was shocked with how many girls are introduced to sex and drugs at such a young age and how many actually participate in that kind of behavior. I'm sure now kids are introduced to it younger and younger.
(eye break)
When I was in high school, I was never offered alcohol or drugs. Is it because every weekend I hung out with the same kids that had high standards like I did? Yeah, I bet. I was lucky enough to have a group of great people to hang around, but naive little me thought that everyone had nice friends that had wholesome fun and I thought only the really popular people who had parents with loads of alcohol at their house drank. In fact, I didn't even know what alcohol smelled like until I was (ironically) a missionary. That's when I learned that I really like the smell of alcohol and I would definitely, no doubt in my mind be an alcoholic if my parents didn't teach me that I should never drink alcohol. And I'm not saying that jokingly. When I smell it, my body actually craves it. Even more than chocolate. Never tasted it, NEVER will, but definitely need to stay away from it.
So big bubble right? Here's the kicker: more than 10 kids from my high school drank alcohol underage. I know. I was as surprised as I'm sure you are now when I realized the statistics.
Okay, so drugs, alcohol, sex , whatever. I thought they never existed, but they really do. You get the point.
Next: Okay, don't judge me. So everyone knows I like watching Ellen youtube clips. If you don't know, now you do. So she always has this lady on her show named Bethenny Frankel, who I realized as her own show. I thought that maybe I would watch a few clips (but I don't really recommend). Learned some interesting things:
The first clip I watched was some women's panel. They showed a clip of a guy who rode his bike everywhere and used coupons and looked for deals when eating out. Bethenny asked her lady panel if they would ever date a guy who didn't have a car, but instead rode his bike around everywhere and used coupons to eat out. All of the said NO! They were shocked that anyone would ever date a carless, coupon-eating man. They claim that a woman needs to be treated like she's a princess and that a man needs to invest in a relationship if he wants it to last.
I couldn't help but giggle because my husband rides his bike everywhere and we always looks for good deals when going out to eat. When we were dating, (and when I was quite thinner) we would just get one meal at a restaurant and share it and usually still had leftovers. I know that's a little odd, but we didn't waste money on uneaten food. I still feel like John treats me like a princess and invests in our relationship in other ways like paying cash for my wedding ring and saving for retirement and our girls' college education rather than going into debt for a piece of jewelry and spending money on expensive meals now and living of social security in the future. And that's just the money side of the way he cares. Does that means he doesn't love me the way that frivolously spending men love their special lady? According to them yes.
Wait, hold on. If you did not pay cash for your ring, I'm not dissing you yo. That's just an example of my husband frugality and wanting to be responsible with his current financial situation. I know that a really expensive ring is important to some people which is totally fine because it lasts forever and is symbolic, but I don't understand not using a coupon for a meal because it's not "investing in a relationship".
My thoughts are everywhere and I wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading now.
My point is, that what I thought was normal really isn't. Did you know that a lot of people live together before they get married? Like, almost everyone does. People spend money that they don't have? I knew people drank, but I didn't know a ton of people go to bars and they even drink on weekdays? Some people sleep with someone without even knowing their name? See, I had heard all of this before, but I never realized how common it is.
I just couldn't imagine growing up in a different world than the one that I grew up in. I don't consider myself sheltered because I define a sheltered person as someone who has never been exposed to things that could help them live up to their highest potential. I don't think there is anything wrong with not knowing about what really goes on around me. Just because I haven't viewed porn or sipped a little wine doesn't categorize me as sheltered. I try not to judge people. I don't think that these actions make these people bad people. I really want everyone to see what truly being happy is.
Believe it or not, I had tons of fun as a single person. Yes, I did enjoy a good Care-EEE-oh-key without being drunk and I enjoyed going on dates without getting frisky. Now as a married person with a family, I enjoy every moment with my kids. I still go out on date with my husband and have some "me" time, but kids are not a burden and don't block me from doing what I want to do. Of course everything is a little harder with kids. But would I trade my kids for tons of money, traveling the world, and have that smoking hot body that I use to have? No way! If I had to choose between being dirt poor, never traveling, sleeping at 8 every night, and having my children or being totally rich with a double-income family, travel the world, go out to fancy dinners every night, and still fit into a size-tiny dress, I would no doubt be the dirt poor lady with kids. It devastates me to know that some couples who are totally capable of having children would pass up such a unique and purely joyful opportunity.
You probably know what I should do now. Share a little gospel! Because, let's face it, I'm who I am because of it.
Believe it or not, I had tons of fun as a single person. Yes, I did enjoy a good Care-EEE-oh-key without being drunk and I enjoyed going on dates without getting frisky. Now as a married person with a family, I enjoy every moment with my kids. I still go out on date with my husband and have some "me" time, but kids are not a burden and don't block me from doing what I want to do. Of course everything is a little harder with kids. But would I trade my kids for tons of money, traveling the world, and have that smoking hot body that I use to have? No way! If I had to choose between being dirt poor, never traveling, sleeping at 8 every night, and having my children or being totally rich with a double-income family, travel the world, go out to fancy dinners every night, and still fit into a size-tiny dress, I would no doubt be the dirt poor lady with kids. It devastates me to know that some couples who are totally capable of having children would pass up such a unique and purely joyful opportunity.
You probably know what I should do now. Share a little gospel! Because, let's face it, I'm who I am because of it.
I think I'm from the same alien planet as you are. I hear kids that I went to high school with talk about some of the behaviors they went through, and I'm still shocked. I never even thought people did the things you mention in here when I was in high school, and I didn't even hang out with members all the time--just people who had similar standards as I did.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I love--the whole thing about frugality. Steve and I are dirt cheap--he paid cash for my wedding and engagement rings, I borrowed my wedding dress, and we had a cute but frugal reception, we started out with very little debt (a car), paid that off as quickly as possible, and we're not fans of spending money we don't have. I can't stand it when people do, in fact--it's one of my pet peeves. We're currently debt-free (except for our house), and it's the best feeling in the world to know that we can afford everything we own. Which, granted, isn't a lot of the nicest stuff ever, but still. We can afford what we have.
As for having kids, yes, it's hard. Yes, there are sacrifices that come with choosing to have children. But are those sacrifices absolutely worth it? ABSOLUTELY. No question. Big, fancy houses and nice cars sure feel empty and lonely when you don't have sweet little spirits helping you fill them.
Anyways, now I'm rambling, too. Just wanted to say that I love this. I feel like we have a lot of the same viewpoints on these things, and hearing you state them so well is always fun.