I have a family. I have a small child. Even though I never know what day of the week it is, I'm a busy lady. Well, I'm either busy or tired. I'm sure many other mothers or fathers out there can understand. Now, I have some friends who are the single type or don't have children who don't quite know when to go home. When I was single, I wish someone gave me this list because I know I overstayed my welcome way too many times. Here are some tips childless people:
1. When the host keeps telling you a list of things that have to get done that day, leave.
2. If your host's spouse falls asleep on the couch while you are still talking, just end the conversation there.
3. It their child is screaming and the mom says, "okay, it's time to get ready for bed", that is also an invitation for you to leave.
4. 2 or more yawns means your boring. Leave.
5. Lulls in the conversation.
6. Meaningless small talk.
7. If it's 9:00 and you're still there, don't be surprised if you never get invited back.
8. If the host is throwing up in the bathroom, why do you even want to stay any longer?
Dude, I have totally overstayed my welcome at many a people's places before I became a mother. I'm sorry. Now, childless people, listen to my advice and stop overstaying your welcome. If only we were a more blunt people the the Chinese people, we could just tell people to leave without offending them.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Questions. Good Ones.
It's been a while. Now I'm just waiting for my brother to call me on google plus. It's a new thing for me. I feel like an old lady trying to figure out facebook.
But here are some questions I have. Maybe it's just me being irritated. I don't know.
Why does everyone who gets government checks (ie welfare, food stamps, other stuff) all have smart phones? The first day of the month is a very busy day at my husband's bank. That's when all the government checks are cashed in. And I'm pretty sure everyone that I've seen walk in has had a smart phone. Okay yo, listen up. I have a few friends in this situation, but they're all progressing. You want a smart phone, okay. Neat. I'm talking about those people who work 20 hours a week, minimum wage and never plan on getting a different job.
You may think I'm bitter because I get jealous when I see people get 600 bucks in groceries every month for doing nothing while updating their facebook status on their hand held device. Nah. I'm not. Heck, I'll admit it. I'm looking forward to the 2 years that my husband is doing his MBA program while I play with the small children at home and find a midnight job teaching English over skype while collecting my 600 dollar food stamps, live in subsidized housing, and enjoying my free health care. But here's the thing: it's only 2 years. Then after that, I'm pretty sure we'll be paying that back in taxes.
Heck, let's retire now, lie about our age, and live off social security.
Here are a few other questions that I have:
2. Why do people sleep around and have a bunch of different children from a bunch of different people? You know, in China people can only have one kid.
3. What's wrong with wanting marriage to be between and man and a woman? Let me just say, props to Brad Pitt's mother:
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/07/10/brad-pitts-mom-gets-death-threats-after-penning-anti-obama-letter-to-editor/?intcmp=features
4. Who is going to be the next bachelor? I hope it's Sean because I don't like Arie very much.
5. Do you really care about Tom and Katie's divorce?
6. Why are people mean to each other?
7. Why doesn't the grass grow in my front yard?
Unfortunately those are the only topics really pressing my mind. That's unfortunate because most of them come from foxnews and my Chinese homework. Sorry after so long that I post something really boring, but seriously, I don't have a smart phone. Don't need it and I feel good. Look at my sister: she doesn't even use her cell phone because it is never charged and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that you can send picture text messages.
But here are some questions I have. Maybe it's just me being irritated. I don't know.
Why does everyone who gets government checks (ie welfare, food stamps, other stuff) all have smart phones? The first day of the month is a very busy day at my husband's bank. That's when all the government checks are cashed in. And I'm pretty sure everyone that I've seen walk in has had a smart phone. Okay yo, listen up. I have a few friends in this situation, but they're all progressing. You want a smart phone, okay. Neat. I'm talking about those people who work 20 hours a week, minimum wage and never plan on getting a different job.
You may think I'm bitter because I get jealous when I see people get 600 bucks in groceries every month for doing nothing while updating their facebook status on their hand held device. Nah. I'm not. Heck, I'll admit it. I'm looking forward to the 2 years that my husband is doing his MBA program while I play with the small children at home and find a midnight job teaching English over skype while collecting my 600 dollar food stamps, live in subsidized housing, and enjoying my free health care. But here's the thing: it's only 2 years. Then after that, I'm pretty sure we'll be paying that back in taxes.
Heck, let's retire now, lie about our age, and live off social security.
Here are a few other questions that I have:
2. Why do people sleep around and have a bunch of different children from a bunch of different people? You know, in China people can only have one kid.
3. What's wrong with wanting marriage to be between and man and a woman? Let me just say, props to Brad Pitt's mother:
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/07/10/brad-pitts-mom-gets-death-threats-after-penning-anti-obama-letter-to-editor/?intcmp=features
4. Who is going to be the next bachelor? I hope it's Sean because I don't like Arie very much.
5. Do you really care about Tom and Katie's divorce?
6. Why are people mean to each other?
7. Why doesn't the grass grow in my front yard?
Unfortunately those are the only topics really pressing my mind. That's unfortunate because most of them come from foxnews and my Chinese homework. Sorry after so long that I post something really boring, but seriously, I don't have a smart phone. Don't need it and I feel good. Look at my sister: she doesn't even use her cell phone because it is never charged and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that you can send picture text messages.
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