Childbirth: The Pain, The Swearing, and A Beautiful Baby

I gave birth to a small child last week. It was quite the experience. Just for me to remember everything and for you to enjoy gruesome details, I thought that I would write the whole story down. Now, just to warn you, I don't hold back on the nasty details, so if you have a weak stomach, maybe this entry might not be the best blog entry for you to read.

To this day, I swear that the due date they told me was 2 weeks later than the real due date. So as my fake due date was approaching, I was the grumpiest woman alive. All I wanted was for the baby to come out and all I could do was constantly complain about it. On my last appointment with my doc, I asked if I could be induced thinking that he wouldn't let me unless there was a medical reason. He said, sure, pick a date. The next thing I know, we were scheduled to go in the following Tuesday.

Monday was my due date and the most miserable day of my life. Then I had to wait until Tuesday night at 8:30 before I could be induced. I called and texted almost everyone that I knew to complain just so that they would all know how miserable I was. Now, I would like to apologize. I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness and I will try to never do that again.

Tuesday came and I called the hospital in the morning to check and make sure that the appointment was there and that there was plenty of room for me. They said, there probably will be, but I should call back at 6 to make sure. I was a little on edge after that, but still okay.

Then in the afternoon, I got a text message that said that my dear friend Jessica who was due at the end of the month was now a new mommy. I was so irritated that I still didn't have my child and she had hers. Don't worry, I'm not mad now that I have my kid, but boy, that was the last thing that I wanted to hear.

Six, on the dot, I called again to ask them if there was room for me. You know what they had the audacity to say! NO! They said they would call me when a room was free. I was devastated! I just wanted to go into labor and have the kid in the hallway. That would have satisfied me. Then to top that all off, my mom said, "Maybe Jessica stole your room". Not something that I wanted to hear.

Then at 8:28 I was blogging, on this blog in fact, comparing finding out that there really was no Santa to finding out that I couldn't give birth that night. Total devastation. Then the hospital called and told me to come right in because they were ready for me! Off we went.

When I got there, they hooked me up to everything and the nurse said that my contractions were 3 minutes apart, too close together to give me the induction medicine they were planning on giving me. I most likely would have had to go to the hospital that night anyway. However, at 11:30 they gave me pitocin just to speed things up. Pop in that Ambien sleeping pill, and I was out for the night.

Except for at 2 AM when Law and Order SVU came on.

6 AM and the doc came in to break my water. Lovely experience until 3 minutes later when the contractions started. I didn't cry, but that is when the pain and the swearing came in. I begged for the epidural and an hour later, they stabbed me and I was in heaven. I still felt the contraction in the front on my right side, but it was way better than before so I didn't complain.

The epidural made me really sleepy. I was knocked out until 9 when the doc came in to check me. He said I was fully dilated and it was push time! The nurse got the room ready and by 9:25, I was pushing my heart out.

About 20 minutes into pushing, I noticed that my back started hurting when the contractions came on. I told the nurse and she said that it was just pressure and nothing else. I believed her at the time, but 45 minutes into pushing was a whole different story.

My epidural completely kicked out! I don't know how since there is suposta be a constant stream of some drug into my body. Well, it didn't. I was in so much pain. Even more than when I got the epidural. That was the moment that I swore I would NEVER attempt natural child birth.

I guess the nurse didn't believe me or something. She said that was normal. Well, it was a lie. They called in the anesthesiologist again and she gave me another dose. Ten 10 minutes later she asked if I was still in pain and wanted more medicine. I just nodded because at that time I was hurting so much talking was just not an option. Five minutes after the second round of drugs was administered, I couldn't feel a thing.

It was around 11:30 by then. Nearly an hour of pushing without pain, then an hour with contractions from hell, then my last hour I couldn't feel a single thing. In fact, I had absolutely NO control over my lower body. It reminded me of the movie What Lies Beneath with Harrison Ford when he tries to kill his wife. Luckily, Harrison Ford had no access to my hospital room. I thought that my legs were bent for pushing, but they were super straight. Every time it came time to push, John and the nurse would have to lift up my legs.

Then at 12:15 the doctor came in. By that time, I had already been pushing for 2 hours 45 minutes. I was tired, but the epidural made me so tired that I would sleep between each contraction, so that's how I got my rest.

I had been pushing for so long without any progress that they decided to vacuum the kid out. They only had one concern: the baby had so much hair that they were afraid the vacuum would not stick making pulling the baby out a little harder. They tried anyway.

Turns out they were right. Not only were they right, but they put the vacuum on the baby's head and started to pull. When the vacuum lost suction, it sprayed blood everywhere. John learned an important lesson that day: don't wear nice clothes to the hospital when your wife is giving birth. We still haven't been able to get that stain out.

At 12:31 PM our little baby Olivia arrived. I was so happy, not that it was over, but that I was finally able to hold my little baby. The doctor did all the sewing up, but I couldn't care less. I just couldn't stop looking at my beautiful baby girl.

I asked the doctor if I could take a picture of the placenta and make it my facebook profile picture. He said that I could not only take a picture of it, but I could also take it home if I wanted to. I excitingly said "heck yes". I guess the nurse actually thought I wanted to take it home because she was ready to pack it up for me when she was cleaning the room. As lovely as it would be to keep my placenta, I decided a better place for it was in the trash.

That's my delivery story. A little long, but I think it is more for my benefit than for yours. I really enjoyed reading my friend Mackenzie's delivery story, so maybe someone will find my semi-interesting.

Now the post pregnancy pain: not bad. Sore private parts, uterus pain, and hemorrhoids, but what lady doesn't have those things after giving birth?

Here's the link to our family blog to see pictures. Oh, and please comment. I love getting compliments on my child.